Friday, September 25, 2009

Check Out


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IN PRISON

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AT WORK

you spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell .

you spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle ..
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IN PRISON

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AT WORK

you get three meals a day (free).

you only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself .

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IN PRISON

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AT WORK

you get time off for good behavior.
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you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
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IN PRISON

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AT WORK

a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you .. ?? ??
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you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself .


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IN PRISON

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AT WORK

you can watch TV and play games.

you get fired for watching TV and playing games.



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IN PRISON

AT WORK

you get your own toilet .

you have to share .


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IN PRISON
they
allow your family and ?? ??
friends to visit.

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AT WORK
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you can not even speak to your family and friends.
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IN PRISON

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AT WORK

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all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.
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You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners. ??
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Humm?

Which Sounds Better?

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So what are you waiting for.........



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Kill your TL
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Thursday, September 3, 2009

Moods in the office


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Boss is not here ??

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?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? Boss is calling
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In a meeting ??

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?? ?? ?? ??Training
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?? ?? ??Tea break
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Before noon on weekend

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?? Ready for getting off work
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?? ?? ?? &nbs p; ?? ?? ?? ??Tomorrow is a holiday
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??Got today's target from boss

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?? Tough target
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Find impossible to meet boss's requirement

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OT for 2hrs

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?? ?? ?? ?? OT for a whole night
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Being notified to OT on weekends
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Meet with 'Sorry-I-Don't-Know'clients

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?? ?? ?? ?? Made mistakes in work ??
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Little achievement
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?? ?? ?? Frustrating things happens ??
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Finance person doesn't give the money:
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Being advised NO BONUS this year
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Farewell !!! (ripper of a farewell e-mail!)

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To Brenda Ashby whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ??; )

To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.

One!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Jay and Mausi Ji

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Rishte ki baat - Sholey Style

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Jay : Ram Ram Mausi ...

Mausi : Ram Ram beta .. aa ja ??..??bol kaise aana hua ?

Jay : Mausi Basanti ke liye rishte ki baat karne aaya??hun .. ladka software main hai ...

Mausi : Accha beta .. jara bata to sahi kaunsi company main hai .. ?

Jay : Mausi, ladka??XXX mein kaam karta hai.. wo??golf khel ke high delivery deti hai na??..usme??...

Mausi : Haaye Ram..!!! Aur kahin try kyon nahin karta ..kyon apna jeevan barbad kar raha hai ??

Jay : kahan mausi 2 saal??XXX me rahne ke baad koi Company leti kahan hai...
Mausi : Hey Raam to kya 2 saal se??
XXX mein hi hai...

ay : haan socha tha 2 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..?

Jay : Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi..bechara ASE hi hai abhi tak..
Mausi : Hai hai ...!! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska..? Mua ASE hi hai ...

Jay : Senior se ladai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to nahin milti hai na ..... mausi..
Mausi : To kya seniors se ladta bhi hai..?

Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite jane ko na mile to ho hi jaati hai kabhi kabhi ladai....
Mausi : To kya ab tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya..???

Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi likha hai mausi..
Mausi : kya kaha ladka??Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!! hai ram ... mainframe pe to nahin hai kahin ..

Jay : Ab aise college se padkar niklega to mainframe hi milegi na mausi ....


Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..mue ne...?

Jay :?? Kabhi batata nahin mausi ..?? pata lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar??denge !!


Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhu na mausi?
Mausi : Beta, kaan khol kar sun le... Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki koi sauteli maa nahi. Bhale hi hamaari
Basanti Call Center wale Chandu se shaadi karle par??XXX ke??employee se katai nahin karegi.

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Swine flu: lessons from the 1994 plague

swaminomics
by
Swaminathan S. Anklesaria Aiyar

Dated: August 16, 2009

Swine flu has killed over 20 Indians so far, and may soon claim hundreds, even thousands. That is a tragedy. Even so, swine flu remains a very minor cause of death, far behind other diseases that kill millions. The panic generated by the media is unwarranted, and is worsening health outcomes.

In 2001-03, the Registrar General conducted a survey to gauge the main causes of deaths in India. Heart disease came first (19%), followed by respiratory diseases like asthma (9%), diarrhea (8%), respiratory infections like pneumonia (6.2%), tuberculosis (6%), and cancer (5.7%).

Applying these percentages to India???s annual deaths of around 9 million, we find that 1.37 million people die annually of respiratory diseases and infections, 720,000 of diarrhea, and 540,000 of TB. These are staggering numbers. They imply that on an average day, 3,753 people die of respiratory diseases and infections, 1,973 of diarrhea, and 1,479 of tuberculosis.

Seen in this light, 20-odd swine flu deaths are almost laughably trivial. I do not laugh, because every death is a tragedy. But I am infinitely sadder for the millions whose plight has been swept out of public view, and is actually being worsened by upper-class panic.

Make no mistake, swine flu panic is substantially an upper class worry. Why do the media overflow with news of swine flu while ignoring other diseases that kill thousands every day? Because those everyday diseases are the problems of the poorer half of India, and the media target the upper half. Some upper class folk do get asthma or TB, but they are quickly treated and rarely die of these diseases. The millions who die come from the bottom half, lacking access to doctors and medicines. They die so regularly in millions that their deaths are no longer considered news.

Then along comes swine flu. It is a new disease, and that itself commands media attention. The richer half is terrified that not even its money and access to doctors provides safety. As a disease carried by air travelers, swine flu is a quintessential elite concern. Elite panic soon spreads to lower rungs of society, as the media project a new apocalypse. This is true across the world. Globally, swine flu has infected 177,000 people and killed 1,126. The numbers are trivial compared with deaths from malaria, respiratory disease or diarrhea. Yet the global media focus on swine flu.

Panic over a new disease of limited impact is hardly new. The 2002-03 epidemic of SARS (severe acute respiratory syndrome) hogged global headlines for almost a year. Yet WHO data between November 2002 and July 2003 listed only 8,096 infections and 774 SARS deaths globally.

India had a plague panic starting in Surat in 1994. Half a million people fled Surat, and more fled Mumbai and other cities in Gujarat and Maharashtra. Schools and businesses closed down across India. Business losses in Surat alone were $ 260 million. Foreign countries stopped buying Indian agricultural exports, causing losses of $ 420 million. Foreign investors pulled out of stock markets, 45,000 foreign tourists cancelled their trips to India, and some international airlines stopped flying to India.

The media duly reported these economic costs. Yet arguably the greatest costs were borne, unseen, by the poor. Tetracycline, a cheap antibiotic popular with the poor, disappeared from chemists shops because of panic buying by plague suspects. Hospitals everywhere were inundated with lakhs of citizens wanting to be checked for plague. Only a handful of these were found infected. Indeed, only 53 deaths were ultimately attributed to plague, and some experts cast doubt on whether even these were plague cases. But doctors and hospitals across India were overwhelmed by plague suspects, and so had no space, time or medicine for those dying of other everyday diseases. This suffering, mainly of the bottom half of society, attracted no media attention whatsoever.

In dealing with swine flu, we must remember lessons from the plague panic of 1994. The media must put swine flu deaths in perspective by also reporting how many people are dying of other diseases. Politicians and the media must repeatedly highlight lessons to be learned from the plague panic: how it hugely inflated fears and death estimates, how it crowded out medical attention to sufferers of other killer diseases, and how it imposed huge financial and psychological costs unnecessarily. The Prime Minister has appealed to the media not to spread panic. Yet panic is inevitable when the Health Minister says in a Times of India interview that one-third of all Indians could ultimately be infected. We need cool heads and discreet tongues.